As the festive season approaches, we know it can be a difficult time for many people, for lots of different reasons. This might include anxieties around finances, family relationships, social situations, and societies expectations that Christmas is a time we must be "merry and joyful".

It's also a time when past experiences of trauma or distress might resurface and where food, drink and drug use are more normalised and celebrated.

To help manage these difficulties, here are our top 10 tips for practicing boundaries and assertiveness this Christmas. A gift from us, and our work with trainees this year.

1. Identify your needs. This might be difficult, or unfamiliar, yet is a good place to start. It can help to consider: what and who feels safe and supportive for you right now?

2. Know your limits. There are different types of boundaries: personal space, physical, verbal, sexual, time, social situations, conversation & emotional. Ask yourself: how much do you feel comfortable or able to share with others?

3. Trust your gut. Setting and maintaining boundaries can feel uncomfortable and painful, yet they are an essential way of establishing safety and respect in our relationships and environment. The next step is how to communicate them to others.

4. Write it down. What do you need? What is your boundary around this? How you want to communicate it? This is a helpful way to plan, process and express your thoughts and feelings.

5. Use 'I' Statements. “I think”, “I feel”, “I need”, “I'm hearing”, “I'm noticing”... these are assertive ways to communicate our boundaries - including when they are crossed. Assertiveness is a skill to practice. Be specific and direct, keeping others’ needs and boundaries in mind as well.

6. Negotiate and compromise. Consider if or what you are willing to be flexible around. Finding a balance between our own needs and consideration for others' requires the skill of negotiating and compromising. Is there an agreement which allows you and the other person to have both your needs met?

7. Repetition. There will be some boundaries that are not negotiable - so hold firm and repeat yourself if needed. This is known as the ‘broken record technique’. If the person refuses to listen or respect what you are saying, then choose what feels safe and supportive for you in that moment. This might mean removing yourself from a situation or interaction.

8. Acceptance. We don't have control over other people's responses or behaviour, yet we can practice holding firm with our own. And some people will not respect our boundaries. If someone chooses to cross or violate our boundaries, this is not our fault. We all deserve to be safe and treated with dignity and respect.

9. Self-regulate. Breathe, pause and take time for yourself - specifically in moments of stress or anxiety. Find ways to invest in self-care by doing activities you love and enjoy over the holiday period.

10. Care & compassion. And lastly, remember boundaries and assertiveness are skills which take time to practice. It is not an extra thing to give ourselves a hard time over. It is a form of love and respect for ourselves and others, which supports emotional and physical safety. Saying no to others means saying yes to ourselves